The back of my hand.

Third day, and things are changing. Not with the blog this time, but with something else, connected to my life on the outside.

Things around me don't seem to have the same color anymore. Im having a hard time figuring out where i stand. It feels as if i'm surrounded by fog, a thick fog blocking the path i came from, and making me unable to see where i'm going. How did i get here? maybe that doesen't even matter when I know that I can never go back.

This might not make sense to most people, but I don't quite know what to say about it either. A woman is involved, hopefully I don't need to say more. (I know I do, especially to her, and that is the problem here.)

I can't seem to find out where I stand with her anymore, and im crying out for understanding, the one thing I believed I could only ever come to her for, so now i've come here instead.

A part of what makes this hard for me, is the fact that i'm just not used to this. I've always thought i was experienced, and in surprisingly many ways, I am, atleast for someone of my age. But whereever im standing now, I just don't recognize it. I'm alone again, and I can't seem to find my way. I used to know myself so well...

But what good is knowing yourself if suddenly, everything shifts completely and you can't see the side you are familiar with anymore? It's happening to me right now, and the other side is scarier than i thought, but I need to explore it, I need to learn it, I want to understand it, It's a side of me, after all.

I know myself, but I need to flip back over if I want any chance at understanding where I am.

...Am I fighting myself?